For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
