I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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