I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
