It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
