You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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