New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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