we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
