I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
