woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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