Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
