I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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