Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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