I want to walk on stilts...naked
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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