I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
