Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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