We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
