Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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