i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize