I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
