Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
