I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
