Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
