I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
my shit smells like andre
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
