ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
