I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
