i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize