He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's not a walk of shame if you run
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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