dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
