you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
