Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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