goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
