So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
