so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
