He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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