im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize