he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize