I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
there was a trapeze. enough said
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
