Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
