You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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