Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
