I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
