I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
