I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving