fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.