shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history