happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
