please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
