I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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