saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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