Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
