Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
