so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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