YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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