too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
