I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
