I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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