I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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