there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
