I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
