I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
