Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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