my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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