If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You can't just leave with hair like that
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
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