I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
