Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Alive.
So much puke
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
