I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I party with great urgency now.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
