i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
