"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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