this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
