Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
