Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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