i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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