mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
