Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
