operation harelip BJ is a go
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
