I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
