So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
