YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
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Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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