i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
