I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
