I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
