I wish I only lived at night.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
